Influence isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room; it’s about being the one people lean in to hear.
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What struck me most when I look back is that influence wasn’t something that came naturally to me. I’m not the big, outgoing personality people expect when they hear I’ve spent decades studying influence and curating TEDxMelbourne. I’m an introvert, and I miss a lot of social cues. That made me pay closer attention. It also meant I had to find ways of cutting through the noise, whether that was convincing traders in London to hand over their computers when every minute without them cost millions, or persuading a CEO about the seriousness of Y2K in the brief moment he walked past my desk. Those early challenges forced me to become sharper, more concise, and more engaging in the way I communicated. I didn’t have time for long explanations; I had to capture attention quickly, with clarity that made sense at the right level.
That experience led me to a lifelong fascination with the psychology of influence. When I took on TEDxMelbourne, I was fortunate enough to have access to data from YouTube that revealed when audiences paused, rewound, or abandoned a video. I started digging into what caused those moments. What were speakers doing at the exact point people leaned forward, stayed still, or tuned out? By testing and refining on the live TEDx stage, where I could control the environment and the audience, the only variable became the speaker. It gave me a chance to predict with surprising accuracy whether someone would get a standing ovation or not. Later, when everything shifted online during COVID, we tested whether those insights held in virtual settings—and they did. In fact, our team pushed our net promoter score from 45 to 95 in just three months, something almost unheard of, by reading faces and micro-expressions in real time and adjusting content, delivery, and format to match the state of the audience.
What all of this showed me is that speaking isn’t about transferring knowledge. If it were, we could just send an email or share a document. Speaking is about something more valuable—it’s about trust, rapport, connection, and influence. Yet most of us were never taught how to speak in a way that truly engages. We were taught to read and write, but not to listen for the cues that tell us whether our audience is with us or drifting away. Influence is about meeting people where they are, understanding their state of mind, and moving them gently to the next step, whether that’s a sale, an idea you need them to buy into, or simply a sense of belonging in your community.
I’ve also come to see how important it is to balance relevance and engagement. Too much content without connection and you sound like a lecturer. Too much performance without substance and you risk being entertaining but forgettable. The magic happens when you find the right blend. That’s what TED has done so well: simple, concise, engaging ideas worth spreading. The key is not just having a great idea but shaping it so it’s worth spreading. I often tell people it’s not about the content alone—it’s how you craft the narrative, the timing of the delivery, and the way you make someone think differently. Even a simple fact can become compelling if you position it in a way that surprises or provokes curiosity.
One of the most powerful lessons I learned is the importance of clarity. If it’s not clear in your own head, it will never be clear to your audience. That’s why I spend so much time distilling ideas into single, compelling sentences. When you can express something in a way that’s both intellectually logical and emotionally engaging, you free yourself to stop worrying about your words and focus entirely on how people are responding. Watching body language, listening to tone, noticing when people lean in or check out—these are the signals that tell you whether you’re connecting or not. And being able to respond in real time is where influence truly lives.
I’ve also learned to respect the diversity of how people process information. Some people think in pictures, others in sounds, others in feelings and movement. Some want the big picture, others want detail. As communicators, we need to prepare multiple ways of expressing our key ideas so we can adapt in the moment. Great speakers do this instinctively, but it’s a muscle anyone can build with practice. Start small, build your skills, and over time it becomes natural.
One story that has stayed with me is how I used to prepare for job interviews in London. I was being sent to interviews I wasn’t even qualified for, yet I discovered that if I got my state right before walking in—confidence, clarity, presence—I would almost always get the role. People decide within seconds whether to trust and believe you. Everything after that is just justification for the first impression. That’s why cultivating presence is such an important practice. It’s not just a skill, it’s a discipline. Like athletes or musicians with rituals before a performance, leaders and communicators need rituals that prepare them to show up with confidence and authenticity.
Influence is not about tricks or techniques. It’s about awareness, empathy, and practice. It’s about really listening—to words, to expressions, to what’s not being said. It’s about being prepared, yet flexible enough to respond in the moment. And it’s about cultivating your own presence so that when you walk into the room, people instinctively feel they can trust you.
If there’s one message I’d leave you with, it’s this: don’t treat speaking as knowledge transfer. Treat it as a chance to build trust, create connection, and move people. That’s the real power of influence, and it’s something we can all learn. If this struck a chord with you, let’s grab a coffee or continue the conversation at the next Masterclass—I’d love to hear how you’re putting these ideas into practice.